Lenten Observance: Day 37

Tao 73 & 74

73: “The Tao is always at ease.  It overcomes without competing…”  Again the idea of wu wei, of doing/not-doing.  The idea of being at ease suggests that it is not tense, and not worked up.  That does not mean that it cannot do things, but it doesn’t work itself up into a state over doing things.  Often my 6-ness (Enneagram 6) causes me to play out all sorts of disaster scenarios (very time consuming and energy draining).  And often I find that I cannot just relax;  there is within me the sense that, if I relax, all will collapse.  Strangely, I think that all may collapse anyways, but, if I have put some time into planning and worrying, I absolve myself of guilt.  In the area of “at ease,” I have much to learn still. 

74: “If you aren’t afraid of dying, there is nothing you can’t achieve.”  Though I am afraid of dying, I have learned not to be afraid of getting up in front of people (which is a big fear);  as a result, though I am an introvert by nature, I can seem an extrovert and can enjoy being in the spotlight.  It used to petrify me if I had to get up before people, and so I did that badly.  Once I was able to overcome that fear, I still bomb from time to time, but less so, and have more enjoyment.  In improvisation, one of the rules is “Yes, and…”  Take what your partner gives (don’t deny it) and see what you can do with the gift.  It’s a good way to live life — when I am at my best, I think I can do this pretty well.  Unfortunately, fear is ever present in my life, so I find myself second-guessing, or trying to trump a gift given (a way of denial rather than acceptance).    The end of 74 deals with using the master carpenter’s tools.  If you are not the master carpenter, you will cut yourself.  To me that sounds almost like mixed signals, and would likely intimidate me from taking up the master carpenter’s tools.

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